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[polarsternchen2.livejournal.com]

Title: Profiler, Profiled: The Aftermath
Part 4

Summary: After Profiler, Profiled. Morgan is struggling. Reid tries to help. Morgan doesn't react well to finding out that Hotch and Reid are a couple.

Rating: changed to M, for explicit SLASH H/R

Warnings: references to abuse



Hi! Thank you guys for reviewing this story, I´m glad you like it so far.

I actually shouldnt be writing this as I have like four other stories to finish first but the plot bunnies just wont leave me alone...


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They next day at the office is rather awkward.

Morgan keeps shooting both of them eerie glances looking like he is about to just walk over to them and ask the question that is burning on his lips. He can't of course, not while everyone else is within earshot and Reid has the urgent suspicion that Hotch has arranged their workday purposefully so that it can't come to a conversation.

Reid doesn't know what exactly has happened, what their situation is, to be truthful.

After his fallout the night before he slept for a good twelve hours like he was in a coma, not waking until the scent of coffee from his kitchen lured him out of bed.

He knows something is off the moment he enters the kitchen.

Usually after nights like the last, they are both more relaxed and pleasant, more grounded. But while he feels all those things, there is a sharp edge to Hotch´s expression that he can't quite understand. It´s only a little thing that a non-profiler wouldn't even pick up on and Hotch does his best to be his usual self, gently kissing him good morning and engaging in light conversation while they eat.

But he also stares at Reid´s wrists, at his bare arms with a strained yet vacant expression on his face when he thinks his lover isn't noticing. It's worrisome and unwelcome, leaving Reid unable to focus on his breakfast.

It´s not unusual for Hotch to feel some misplaced guilt for marking Reid's light skin like he did, no matter how often Reid assures him that it's what he wants, that it helps him feel better.

No, that Reid is used to seven month into their relationship. What is odd is that Hotch just stares but doesn't say anything about it. It´s not how it usually is with Hotch asking him if he is okay, helping him put lotion on the torn skin of his wrists, sometimes even taking the risk of being late for work just to cradle him in his arms and kiss him softly, almost gingerly over and over as if to balance out his roughness the night before.

Today he just stares and it´s unnerving Reid. He doesn't know what this is, why Hotch´s reaction is suddenly just as bad as after the first time they did this sort of thing. He tries to recall any detail about the night that may have been different, but can't find anything out of the usual. And Hotch doesn't tell him, simply staring off into space like he is very far away.

After another seemingly endless minute of nibbling at his toast, Reid finally can´t take it anymore and reaches across the table to put his hand over that of his lover. Hotch´s muscles flex a bit, tensing, but he takes Reid's hand with almost no hesitation, thumb lightly caressing the back of it.

"Aaron…", Reid licks his lips nervously, trying to make eye contact: "What wrong? Did I do something…?"

Hotch´s fingers tighten around his at that comment and he makes a sound that resembles a bitter scoff. For a moment he looks like he is going to comment on what exactly he thinks about Reid's question but then he just shakes his head, getting to the topic that is the most pressing: "Morgan called for you."

Reid looks at him in surprise.

Of all the scenarios in his head, this wasn't on his list of possibilities. He needs a moment to process why Morgan calling would be a cause for concern, it´s great to hear that his best friend has decided to make up with him after all.

So for a moment he´s almost tempted to think Hotch is only saying that to deflect from what is really bothering him - but he understands when his lover adds: "Last night while you were asleep."

"Oh.", is all he can say to that.

It's immediately clear why Hotch is worried now. Morgan called him in the middle of the night to find his superior answering his best friend´s phone. That is bound to seem a little odd if not suggestive.

"What did he say?", Reid asks quickly, worried too now: "Do you think he knows…?"

This could mean trouble. It´s not only that they've kept their relationship secret due to the regulations of the bureau so far, it also doesn't take a genius to figure out that Morgan might be more than a little shocked to find out his two colleagues aren't as straight as he thought. Especially in recent light of things.

Suddenly Reid understands why Hotch looks so nauseous.

"I told him I was here because you needed someone to talk to.", Hotch shrugs, frowning.

"At one thirty in the morning?", Reid asks incredulously.

"That's what he said, too."

Reid groans, running a hand over his face as his mind runs through all the possible ramifications with super speed. After a moment, he forces himself to calm down and talk to his lover rationally about it.

"Ok. Ok, so let´s think this through…you didn't tell him anything else…so there is a chance he´ll believe your story, right? It´s not like he walked in on us doing it."

There´s that scoff again, combined with a flicker in Hotch´s eyes that shows clearly Morgan isn't the only thing bothering him.

"If he had I'm sure I would be dead now.", he murmurs, thumb almost absentmindedly tracing the thin red lines on the younger one´s wrist. It´s obvious just which part of last night he is remembering and Reid gives in to the sudden urge to grab his hand tightly, making him look at him.

"Aaron.", he says with determination, trying to get through somehow and not make this problem bigger than it has to be: "Don't do this. It´s nothing like what happened to him. I´m not a child, I know what´s best for me, alright? And you're not Buford. You couldn't be if you tried."

"I'm not sure he´ll see the difference.", Hotch´s voice is low, his eyes dark.

"Well, I do.", Reid replies with determination: "It´s our relationship, Aaron, it´s nobody's business but ours."

He holds Hotch´s gaze until he nods, knowing it´s probably the best response he´s going to get. They probably need to talk about this yet again since Hotch doesn't seem comfortable but right now is not the time, right now there are more pressing matters.

"Fine.", Hotch finally gives in: "But still, even if Morgan doesn't know about that… detail, he might have a problem with us being together at all."

This time it´s Reid who looks insecure, scared almost.

"You mean he could… not want to be my friend anymore if he knew?", he asks, little successful at keeping the stress out of his voice.

Hotch keeps holding on to his hand reassuringly; this he knows. Comforting and supporting Reid is what he does best, what he should always do.

"Has Morgan ever voiced any sort of opinion on the subject?", he asks, easily slipping into a more rational mindset.

"No."

"Did you ever feel like he might suspect you like men?"

Another shaking of head is the answer: "I don't think so. I mean… I never really worried about it. I assumed he would be happy for us if we ever decided to tell the team. Of course that was before I knew…"

He breaks off in midsentence, staring at the table top and looking miserable yet again.

Hotch is quick to cup his chin and give him a look of reassurance before he can start beating himself up yet again. Knowing that Reid needs him to sure and strong is finally enough to get Hotch to stop wallowing in his own self-hate.

He´s not important now. Reid is.

"It´s going to be fine, love.", he smiles, caressing his boyfriend´s cheek.

Reid leans into the touch instinctively, closing his eyes for a second.

Remaining that way, he takes a few deep breaths, before asking: "So what do we do if he asks us today at work?"

It´s hard, but Hotch says it anyway: "I think it would be best to not overcharge him with that. Not right now."

The look of hurt and dismay on Reid's face is instantaneous: "You want me to lie to him?"

Hotch sighs heavily, shaking his head: "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Morgan wouldn't…"

"He surely doesn't want to… but in his current state he might not think long enough to try and differentiate..."

"I´m not lying to him.", Reid interrupts him, shaking his head harshly.

Hotch can do nothing but sigh, his frown deepening: "Alright. If he asks about it again, and you feel like he would be able to handle it, tell him. Just be cautious, ok?"

Be careful. The words linger on Reid´s mind even hours later as he sits behind his desk, staring at the door to Hotch´s office. It´s closed and he can see his boss on the phone through the window, looking like he too is nursing a mayor head ache.

He´s not sure what exactly Hotch thinks will happen if Morgan finds out. If he thinks Morgan will actually react badly enough to lash out and say something that will hurt Reid and destroy their friendship. He can't imagine it after everything they've been through together but then again, the situation isn't normal either.

Who knows the true extend of Morgan´s suffering?

But especially because of that, it might be good for him to know, to let him know that not all male relationships have to be based on shame and duress. Maybe it will help Morgan to find out about him and Hotch, help him see Reid as someone to talk to after all.

Just as he is thinking this, Morgan walks up to his desk, making him look up in surprise.

His expression is unreadable as he stands there, a little tense maybe but overall neutral as he says: "Hey, Reid. Wanna go out for lunch with me? I think we have some catching up to do."

Reid nods before his brain can catch up to his body, his mind reeling. Does he suspect something after all? Or does he just want to apologize?

He risks a look in the direction of Hotch´s office as he gets up, but the man is still busy and doesn't notice them leaving the bullpen. If he had he would probably want to come along, but as it is Reid figures it might be for the best if he talks to Morgan alone first.


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Alright, not much happend...I have to keep these short or it´ll take me forever to update. Next chapter will be Morgan´s POV again.

By the way, I meant to say this last time but forgot: I dont mean to condone spousal abouse or whatever its called in English. Hotch doesnt beat Reid up or anything, so if I write about bruises its because he grabbed him to tightly "in the throws of passion" or something. It doesnt actually take much to get a bruise, maybe it depends on the person, but not a week goes by when I dont stare at my arms or legs wondering "How the hell did I get that?" So, anyway...you get my point.

Comments

[freddlerabbit.livejournal.com]

Poor Morgan - I'm pleased he was able to take some initiative here. And I really appreciate the way Reid worked through this situation in his heart - very IC!

[polarsternchen2.livejournal.com]

Thank you dear, im glad you enjoyed it :-)

[cmali.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I feel so sad for Morgan. He's getting hit with so much. But RL is that way, and I believe he will come to terms with everything. I think his feelings for Reid are comfortable and that fuels what he thinks is love. Aaron is so wonderful with Spencer. I love the dynamic between them. I just hope that Reid doesn't get hurt in a power struggle. He obvs loves Aaron--I hope he doesn't question that just to ease Derek's pain. Gah! So much to think about!! Can't wait for more!!

[polarsternchen2.livejournal.com]

You're right it is a Lot at once for Morgan to deal with. But maybe reid can help...There will Be some Drama but don't worry, the Main pairing is H/R. Thanks for rewiewing!