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cm_hotch_reidTitle: Profiler, Profiled Part 8
A/N: STill trying to fix this, bear with me please.
Hiya, I just wanna thank everyone who reads ad comments on this. Love you guys :-) This is Hotch´s POV and a sort of flashback just so youre not confused about the chnage of tenses. i tried to improve my punctuation here, but it probably still sucks. Sorry bout that.
´It started about two months into their relationship.
Both of them had been overly careful, hesitant almost because of their jobs and what little remained of their private lives.
Normally, Hotch wasn't the kind of person to blow caution to the wind because he felt attracted to someone, but with Reid it was different. Reid had been special since day one.
At first, he´d thought his reaction to the young agent was normal, after all, the whole team was overly protective of him, constantly feeling the need to shield him and coddle the seemingly fragile young man.
It took him a while to realize that while Garcia And JJ turned into mother hens, Gideon into an overly concerned dad in Reid´s presence and Morgan frequently got a little overprotective –neither of them seemed to feel the urge to stare at the kid during meetings, fascinated by the way his lips moved without hearing a single word he said, that neither of them kept thinking of things Reid had said and done and asked that day when they went home, replaying every little interaction in their heads like Hotch did.
At first, he tried to push it away, not to think of it –until he not only stopped hearing what came out of Reid's mouth during meetings but additionally started imagining walking up to him and kissing him passionately, shutting him up for good.
As his obsession grew, he automatically drew away from Reid during work, going out of his way not to touch him or stare at him or be alone with him – but at the same time he suddenly became aware that Reid seemed to be doing the exact opposite.
The more he distanced himself the more Reid seemed to seek his presence, his approval, his input.
Hotch never really had a chance.
He could spend all night telling himself that it was inappropriate, that Reid was too young, too inexperienced, too good for him, that he was imagining any interest from his side –but then in the morning, with Reid standing in his office, asking him to look over a file that didn't need looking over, or standing just a bit too close to him in front of the pin board, or brushing fingers with his when he passed him the sugar, Hotch knew he was fighting an unwinnable battle.
Then came the Hankel case, seemingly taking years off his life with the fear he felt knowing Reid in moral peril. It was an immense relief holding Reid in his arms afterwards, pulling him close and realizing just how much he really meant to him.
After that, Reid went through a tough time, losing control over himself, getting paler and more tired every day.
How could he not offer his help?
It was only when Reid was sitting in his living room one evening, telling him about all his troubles and looking more fragile, more vulnerable than ever that Hotch realized it might not have been such a good idea to invite him to his home with no one else as surveillance and the kid getting drunker than anyone ever should.
He tried to focus, to work through Reid´s issues with him instead of getting distracted by him sitting right next to him, eagerly emptying the bottle of wine Hotch had offered. Hotch suggested he stop drinking but Reid ignored him and just kept talking, seeming oddly nervous; Hotch wanted to just take the glass from his hand -but that would have meant touching him and he didn't trust himself to do that.
Instead, he found himself staring at Reid´s flushed cheeks and his slightly tousled, long hair, at the piece of his collarbone showing where he´d taken of his tie and opened a button of his dress shirt.
He barely heard Reid say something about him, about him always being there for him, a rock, a confidante, about how much he trusted him, how grateful he was –
Before his brain could process the information, Reid was suddenly kissing him, hesitant and a little uncoordinated, his breath hot and sweet against his mouth.
By the time Hotch´s brain had rebooted, Reid was practically sitting in his lap, arms slung tightly around his neck. He´d gone right back into overdrive, literally overheated.
The next morning, he woke with a killer headache and the very acute sensation of someone not Hayley curled up next to him in bed.
The next few days had been difficult, with Hotch struggling with his conscience while Reid kept trying to convince him there was nothing to regret, nothing to be sorry for, that he had only gotten what he had wanted for a long time.
It took Hotch a while to actually believe the young man and get over his guilt but eventually they gave it another try.
The first weeks of their relationship were marked by careful, testing approaches, both of them staking out each other's boundaries and expectations. Their sex was aimed at comfort, at support and company more than anything, slow and sensual and careful. Hotch did what he was used to from his marriage, somehow feeling that in many ways he had to be just as careful with Reid as with any women he´d been with. More than anything he was afraid of hurting or scaring the young man away. It took them months to work up to a point where they even came close to anything less vanilla.
The first time it happened was after an especially tough case, after interrogating Vincent Perotta.
The incident shook him up and brought up emotions he usually kept well hidden under layers and layers of reason and control. When this had happened in the past, he would stay away from Hayley until he´d calmed down again, working off his energy by walking around for hours or exhausting himself through sports to keep from mindlessly punching walls or demolishing furniture.
He couldn´t wait to get out of work that evening, barely keeping from snapping at the team every time they spoke to him. He wanted nothing more than to just get out and be alone before he did or said something he would regret.
The problem was Reid wouldn't leave him alone. Although he must have sensed the tension and aggression boiling under the surface, he got into Hotch´s car like he did every day, insisting on going home with him.
Hotch had tried explaining that that wasn't a good idea but Reid just kept shrugging, telling him he understood, that he wanted to be there for Hotch to talk to. Hotch hadn't known how to tell him that talking wasn't what he needed right then, afraid to push Reid away as much as of keeping him close.
That night, he remembered like it was only yesterday.
"Please, just…" he had turned away, pinching he bridge of his nose in aggravation, "just give me some space, ok? I´m not myself right now."
There was the soft sound of steps from behind him, crossing the living room, and then Reid was hugging him, pressing his face into his shoulder from behind. "I know you're upset, Aaron. Please, let me help. You always helped me in these situations…so let me-"
The care, the comfort had been almost too much to take and he´d pulled away, turning around and firmly taking Reid by the shoulders to keep him at an arm's length when he made to step forward again.
"This is different. I can´t –" he broke off, barely in control, ashamed of his own weakness, "Please just leave…I don't need comfort right now."
He was sure that his emotions must be showing on his face, the darkness along with the aggression and expected for Reid to finally take the hint and leave. But Reid just put his hands over Hotch´s wrists, holding on.
"What…what do you need?" he´d asked, looking up at him, slightly wary but nonetheless determined to help.
The look in his big hazel eyes had been almost too much for Hotch to take. Before he could stop himself he´d grabbed his young lover tightly, crushing their lips together in a way they had never kissed before.
Reid gasped in surprise at the sudden assault but didn't pull away, unresisting in the too tight embrace. Hotch kissed the other man fervently, his hand gripping his neck tight, to a degree he was sure must be uncomfortable in the least. He didn't want to be this way, didn't want for Reid to see him as anything but a strong dedicated boss and gentle, considerate lover. Not this, not his darkness that threatened to stain and overtake anything good in his life.
His mind was screaming at him to stop as he gripped Reid jaw tightly, practically prying his lips open and claiming his mouth, but it just felt too good…
Surprisingly, he got no protest whatsoever. Reid opened up to him like it was the most natural thing, kissing him back softly but enthusiastically. He merely gasped in surprise, clinging to Hotch´s neck when he was pushed down on the couch, his boss´ heavy weight settling over him, taking the breath out of him.
Hotch groaned as heat, familiar but magnified by the situation rose inside him, forcing himself to break the kiss before he could go any further. He looked down at the thin young man trapped beneath him, breathing heavily - guilt flashing over his face. He let go and sat up quickly, taking a deep breath, and shaking his head guilty.
"You need to leave. I don't trust myself right now."
He made to pull away but Reid held onto him, hands digging into the fabric of his shirt, wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him back down.
"Please, Aaron," he whispered, looking at him pleadingly, "don´t shut me out. I want to be there for you and help you…in any way I can."
"But-", Hotch protested, not sure if Reid might not quite understand what was really going on.
But the other didn't seem frightened or shocked by his behavior, slightly flushed if anything.
"I'm not as fragile as you guys think. I'm not going to break, I promise."
He smiled slightly and Hotch could find nothing but absolute confidence in his eyes, taking his breath away in amazement.
That moment had marked a whole new chapter to their relationship.
For the first time he had consciously become aware of the fact that he loved Reid, loved him entirely, for being the amazing person he was. And they had come to share a whole new level of intimacy, of trust.
It was considerably little they did that night, in comparison to how they would progress from that point on –but the feeling of holding his lover tightly, his weight pressing him down into the mattress as he kept a firm grip on the slender man´s wrists, knowing that he had complete control and power over the situation, that it was for him to decide what did or didn't happen or how long it would last, this gift which Reid gave him was a better therapy than anything he´d ever tried before.
After that, there had been no turning back.
They had progressed slowly from that point on, Hotch much more hesitant to just give in to his urges than Reid all the way through. It had a taken much more reassurance from Reid until he´d stopped being scared of hurting his lover, of destroying what they´d built. They´d lain in bed many nights, him listening to Reid's voice, quiet but sure as he dissected the psychology of what they were doing and its benefits for him, until he´d come close to believing it.
Now, months later he still sometimes wasn't sure if they weren't going too far, if it wasn't dangerous to push Reid like he did.
Tying him up and leaving him at his mercy was something he´d come to relish in without much afterthought. He simply loved being able to worship his lover´s body, to tease him with his mouth and lips until Reid was writhing in ecstasy under him, needful pleas falling from his lips as he tried to increase their contact. It was simply mind-blowing to see his beautiful lover hovering on the edge, begging for release, all the while knowing that it was him doing this, and him who got to decide when to grant it.
The darker aspects of their lovemaking were a different story though. True, he loved that as well, it made him feel strong and empowered, made him forget every drawback the job confronted him with and Reid swore time after time again that he wasn't really hurting him, that he could take a little roughness, enjoyed it even.
Still, his rational mind could never quite keep from feeling guilty the morning after.
Their dynamic was a complex one, one that he couldn't imagine working without complete trust and devotion –but he knew that outsiders would have a hard time understanding it.´
xxxx
Hotch sighs heavily, his eyes focusing on Reid dozing on one of the hospital chairs next to his bed, his head resting next to his boss leg. He smiles ruefully, fingers carefully combing through his lover´s soft locks.
It´s just awful for Reid to have to go through all this, to be burdened with Morgan's demons on top of Hotch´s and his own. He knows he needs to do something, to shield him from that sorrow in the future, he will have to have a long chat with Morgan.
Hotch sighs again, annoyed this time. For that to happen though, he will have to get out of this hospital bed first. They´ve been stuck here for hours, the doctors unable to decide how serious his concussion is.
If it were up to him, Hotch would have long blown caution in the wind and gone home against their advice but of course it isn't up to him.
Reid has been very convincing when he insisted Hotch should at least stay overnight, abandoning persuasion at some point for the sake of his ultimate weapon, big puppy eyes that no one has ever been able to say no to.
As a result, Hotch is stuck in this stupid gown, left to stare at the bare hospital walls. Since Reid has dozed off he´s spent his time working on his argument for when talking to Morgan but just then his young lover awakens, yawing quietly and rubbing his eyes adorably.
Hotch can't help but smile at him, bad mood dissipating instantly.
"Wasn't sleeping." Reid mumbles, sitting up quickly.
He looks around to see it is already dark outside the window.
"Oh, no. So late already," he frowns and gets up, straightening his clothes, "I'm going to get some of your clothes and then come back alright? I won't be long."
He kisses Hotch goodbye carefully, mindful of his messed up face. Hotch doesn't want him to leave but doesn't want to sound ridiculous asking him to stay for no good reason. So he smiles as Reid waves from the door. "Hurry back."
"You had better still be in that bed when I come back.", he threatens, a smile tugging at his grave expression.
Reid walks across the empty hospital parking lot with long steps, hurrying towards his car.
He doesn't like to admit he´s still reasonably sacred of the dark, so he tells himself it´s only that he doesn't want to leave Hotch alone for too long.
He can already see the car when a hand on his shoulder causes him to almost jump out of his skin, heart missing a beat as he spins around. His hand automatically goes for his hip, the place his gun would be if he hadn't stupidly left it at the office this afternoon.
Relief is immediate when he looks into the potential UnSub´s face and realizes it´s a familiar one. Morgan is standing in front of him, holding up both hands reassuringly.
Relief quickly turns to annoyance and he frowns, crossing both arms in front of his chest.
"What are you doing here, Morgan?" he asks coolly, hoping that he looks more collected than he feels.
Morgan shrugs. He seems calm now but Reid can't really tell his expression with how little light there is.
"Can we talk?" Morgan asks quietly.
Reid would like to think he sounds sort of guilty but he isn't sure there either.
"What about?" he asks, still carefully withdrawn, keeping his arms crossed and his expression disapproving, "Do you have any more plans to ruin our team dynamics I should know about?"
He knows he´s not being fair, that he should be more sensitive towards Morgan's situation, but the image of Hotch on the ground, struggling for breath makes it hard for him to stay objective.
Morgan frowns at this behavior, and this time Reid is sure he sees regret somewhere in his eyes.
"Reid, man, I´m…" he looks away, conflicted, jaw clenching along with his hands before he takes another calming breath, "look, can we just talk, please?"
Reid almost wants to say no but then Morgan looks at him with an expression that is so desperate and conflicted he can't help but nod, conceding reluctantly. "Fine. Talk, I'm listening."
"Not here." Morgan jerks his head towards his waiting jeep, parked a couple of feet away.
Reid hesitates. He wants to have this talk with Morgan, especially since it might mean Hotch won't have to –but right now he really just wants to get back to his lover as quickly as possible.
Morgan turns around to look at him questioningly when he doesn't follow, face falling visibly. Unwelcome guilt threatens to overcome practicality.
"Actually, Morgan, I'm just on my way to get some clothes for Hotch…maybe we should-"
As expected, Morgan's face crunches up at the mention of Hotch´s name, his body tensing all over. Reid isn't sure if it is anger still or guilt over what he´s done yet.
Morgan bites his lip, staring at the concrete for a moment, then he straightens up again, face not quite as dark.
"´S not a problem. Come on, I´ll drive you and we can talk on the way." he offers.
Reid doesn't hesitate after that, sure now that Morgan is still struggling but has at least come to his senses regarding Hotch and appears like he is trying to make up for his behavior earlier. He starts feeling a little better, less stressed.
"Okay," he agrees and follows Morgan, in his mind already contemplating whether Morgan could come back to the hospital room later on and apologize to Hotch if their talk goes well.
They get in the car and Morgan drives off the parking lot, quiet for a moment as he watches the road, searching for the right way to start maybe.
Reid decides to give him a moment and settles in, feeling a little better about this turn of events. Maybe it really isn't as bad as he thought and tomorrow all will be forgotten.
He goes through his pockets, reaching for his phone while Morgan drives them through the night, to text Hotch about this positive development.
"Who´re you writing?" Morgan asks from the driver´s side, eyes still on the street.
He seems a little tense again but Reid decides he will have to learn to fully accept Hotch as Reid´s lover in all situation so he can help accustom him to it right away.
"Hotch," he answers casually, "Just to tell him I found you. Everyone's been really worried…"
"Oh, ok," Morgan nods: "I should've called Garcia, too. Do you mind?"
He holds out a hand for his phone questioningly and Reid interrupts what he's doing and hands it to him, hating to make Garcia worry unnecessarily. "Sure."
Morgan takes the phone from him, then calmly rolls down the window on his side and throws it away without a word.
Reid gapes at the open window, three long seconds passing before he can believe his eyes.
"Morgan, what-" he gasps, incredulously, trying to make sense of what just happened. Morgan doesn't answer, just keeps driving like nothing happened at all.
"Morgan!" Reid snaps, perplexity turning into irritation, worry slowly surfacing. "What the hell? Turn around, I need to get my phone."
"No, you don't."
The way Morgan seems completely calm and decided in regards to what he´s just done chills Reid to the bone. Suddenly Morgan doesn't seem better at all. His heart starts beating faster, worry threatening to override his anger.
"What do you mean? Of course I…stop the car, I want to get out."
Reid grips the door handle, fumbling with his seatbelt. He suddenly has an ill feeling about this. Whatever is happening, it isn't good. "Morgan, stop the car!"
His heart falls, breath catching in his throat when instead of answering Morgan simply activates the automatic car lock, the clicking sound terribly final in his ears.
Uh oh, someone´s in trouble ;-)
BTW I know there are some inconsistencies with the canon timeline, that is entirely my fault, please try to overlook it.
Please review!
A/N: STill trying to fix this, bear with me please.
Hiya, I just wanna thank everyone who reads ad comments on this. Love you guys :-) This is Hotch´s POV and a sort of flashback just so youre not confused about the chnage of tenses. i tried to improve my punctuation here, but it probably still sucks. Sorry bout that.
"Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power."
— Oscar Wilde
´It started about two months into their relationship.
Both of them had been overly careful, hesitant almost because of their jobs and what little remained of their private lives.
Normally, Hotch wasn't the kind of person to blow caution to the wind because he felt attracted to someone, but with Reid it was different. Reid had been special since day one.
At first, he´d thought his reaction to the young agent was normal, after all, the whole team was overly protective of him, constantly feeling the need to shield him and coddle the seemingly fragile young man.
It took him a while to realize that while Garcia And JJ turned into mother hens, Gideon into an overly concerned dad in Reid´s presence and Morgan frequently got a little overprotective –neither of them seemed to feel the urge to stare at the kid during meetings, fascinated by the way his lips moved without hearing a single word he said, that neither of them kept thinking of things Reid had said and done and asked that day when they went home, replaying every little interaction in their heads like Hotch did.
At first, he tried to push it away, not to think of it –until he not only stopped hearing what came out of Reid's mouth during meetings but additionally started imagining walking up to him and kissing him passionately, shutting him up for good.
As his obsession grew, he automatically drew away from Reid during work, going out of his way not to touch him or stare at him or be alone with him – but at the same time he suddenly became aware that Reid seemed to be doing the exact opposite.
The more he distanced himself the more Reid seemed to seek his presence, his approval, his input.
Hotch never really had a chance.
He could spend all night telling himself that it was inappropriate, that Reid was too young, too inexperienced, too good for him, that he was imagining any interest from his side –but then in the morning, with Reid standing in his office, asking him to look over a file that didn't need looking over, or standing just a bit too close to him in front of the pin board, or brushing fingers with his when he passed him the sugar, Hotch knew he was fighting an unwinnable battle.
Then came the Hankel case, seemingly taking years off his life with the fear he felt knowing Reid in moral peril. It was an immense relief holding Reid in his arms afterwards, pulling him close and realizing just how much he really meant to him.
After that, Reid went through a tough time, losing control over himself, getting paler and more tired every day.
How could he not offer his help?
It was only when Reid was sitting in his living room one evening, telling him about all his troubles and looking more fragile, more vulnerable than ever that Hotch realized it might not have been such a good idea to invite him to his home with no one else as surveillance and the kid getting drunker than anyone ever should.
He tried to focus, to work through Reid´s issues with him instead of getting distracted by him sitting right next to him, eagerly emptying the bottle of wine Hotch had offered. Hotch suggested he stop drinking but Reid ignored him and just kept talking, seeming oddly nervous; Hotch wanted to just take the glass from his hand -but that would have meant touching him and he didn't trust himself to do that.
Instead, he found himself staring at Reid´s flushed cheeks and his slightly tousled, long hair, at the piece of his collarbone showing where he´d taken of his tie and opened a button of his dress shirt.
He barely heard Reid say something about him, about him always being there for him, a rock, a confidante, about how much he trusted him, how grateful he was –
Before his brain could process the information, Reid was suddenly kissing him, hesitant and a little uncoordinated, his breath hot and sweet against his mouth.
By the time Hotch´s brain had rebooted, Reid was practically sitting in his lap, arms slung tightly around his neck. He´d gone right back into overdrive, literally overheated.
The next morning, he woke with a killer headache and the very acute sensation of someone not Hayley curled up next to him in bed.
The next few days had been difficult, with Hotch struggling with his conscience while Reid kept trying to convince him there was nothing to regret, nothing to be sorry for, that he had only gotten what he had wanted for a long time.
It took Hotch a while to actually believe the young man and get over his guilt but eventually they gave it another try.
The first weeks of their relationship were marked by careful, testing approaches, both of them staking out each other's boundaries and expectations. Their sex was aimed at comfort, at support and company more than anything, slow and sensual and careful. Hotch did what he was used to from his marriage, somehow feeling that in many ways he had to be just as careful with Reid as with any women he´d been with. More than anything he was afraid of hurting or scaring the young man away. It took them months to work up to a point where they even came close to anything less vanilla.
The first time it happened was after an especially tough case, after interrogating Vincent Perotta.
The incident shook him up and brought up emotions he usually kept well hidden under layers and layers of reason and control. When this had happened in the past, he would stay away from Hayley until he´d calmed down again, working off his energy by walking around for hours or exhausting himself through sports to keep from mindlessly punching walls or demolishing furniture.
He couldn´t wait to get out of work that evening, barely keeping from snapping at the team every time they spoke to him. He wanted nothing more than to just get out and be alone before he did or said something he would regret.
The problem was Reid wouldn't leave him alone. Although he must have sensed the tension and aggression boiling under the surface, he got into Hotch´s car like he did every day, insisting on going home with him.
Hotch had tried explaining that that wasn't a good idea but Reid just kept shrugging, telling him he understood, that he wanted to be there for Hotch to talk to. Hotch hadn't known how to tell him that talking wasn't what he needed right then, afraid to push Reid away as much as of keeping him close.
That night, he remembered like it was only yesterday.
"Please, just…" he had turned away, pinching he bridge of his nose in aggravation, "just give me some space, ok? I´m not myself right now."
There was the soft sound of steps from behind him, crossing the living room, and then Reid was hugging him, pressing his face into his shoulder from behind. "I know you're upset, Aaron. Please, let me help. You always helped me in these situations…so let me-"
The care, the comfort had been almost too much to take and he´d pulled away, turning around and firmly taking Reid by the shoulders to keep him at an arm's length when he made to step forward again.
"This is different. I can´t –" he broke off, barely in control, ashamed of his own weakness, "Please just leave…I don't need comfort right now."
He was sure that his emotions must be showing on his face, the darkness along with the aggression and expected for Reid to finally take the hint and leave. But Reid just put his hands over Hotch´s wrists, holding on.
"What…what do you need?" he´d asked, looking up at him, slightly wary but nonetheless determined to help.
The look in his big hazel eyes had been almost too much for Hotch to take. Before he could stop himself he´d grabbed his young lover tightly, crushing their lips together in a way they had never kissed before.
Reid gasped in surprise at the sudden assault but didn't pull away, unresisting in the too tight embrace. Hotch kissed the other man fervently, his hand gripping his neck tight, to a degree he was sure must be uncomfortable in the least. He didn't want to be this way, didn't want for Reid to see him as anything but a strong dedicated boss and gentle, considerate lover. Not this, not his darkness that threatened to stain and overtake anything good in his life.
His mind was screaming at him to stop as he gripped Reid jaw tightly, practically prying his lips open and claiming his mouth, but it just felt too good…
Surprisingly, he got no protest whatsoever. Reid opened up to him like it was the most natural thing, kissing him back softly but enthusiastically. He merely gasped in surprise, clinging to Hotch´s neck when he was pushed down on the couch, his boss´ heavy weight settling over him, taking the breath out of him.
Hotch groaned as heat, familiar but magnified by the situation rose inside him, forcing himself to break the kiss before he could go any further. He looked down at the thin young man trapped beneath him, breathing heavily - guilt flashing over his face. He let go and sat up quickly, taking a deep breath, and shaking his head guilty.
"You need to leave. I don't trust myself right now."
He made to pull away but Reid held onto him, hands digging into the fabric of his shirt, wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him back down.
"Please, Aaron," he whispered, looking at him pleadingly, "don´t shut me out. I want to be there for you and help you…in any way I can."
"But-", Hotch protested, not sure if Reid might not quite understand what was really going on.
But the other didn't seem frightened or shocked by his behavior, slightly flushed if anything.
"I'm not as fragile as you guys think. I'm not going to break, I promise."
He smiled slightly and Hotch could find nothing but absolute confidence in his eyes, taking his breath away in amazement.
That moment had marked a whole new chapter to their relationship.
For the first time he had consciously become aware of the fact that he loved Reid, loved him entirely, for being the amazing person he was. And they had come to share a whole new level of intimacy, of trust.
It was considerably little they did that night, in comparison to how they would progress from that point on –but the feeling of holding his lover tightly, his weight pressing him down into the mattress as he kept a firm grip on the slender man´s wrists, knowing that he had complete control and power over the situation, that it was for him to decide what did or didn't happen or how long it would last, this gift which Reid gave him was a better therapy than anything he´d ever tried before.
After that, there had been no turning back.
They had progressed slowly from that point on, Hotch much more hesitant to just give in to his urges than Reid all the way through. It had a taken much more reassurance from Reid until he´d stopped being scared of hurting his lover, of destroying what they´d built. They´d lain in bed many nights, him listening to Reid's voice, quiet but sure as he dissected the psychology of what they were doing and its benefits for him, until he´d come close to believing it.
Now, months later he still sometimes wasn't sure if they weren't going too far, if it wasn't dangerous to push Reid like he did.
Tying him up and leaving him at his mercy was something he´d come to relish in without much afterthought. He simply loved being able to worship his lover´s body, to tease him with his mouth and lips until Reid was writhing in ecstasy under him, needful pleas falling from his lips as he tried to increase their contact. It was simply mind-blowing to see his beautiful lover hovering on the edge, begging for release, all the while knowing that it was him doing this, and him who got to decide when to grant it.
The darker aspects of their lovemaking were a different story though. True, he loved that as well, it made him feel strong and empowered, made him forget every drawback the job confronted him with and Reid swore time after time again that he wasn't really hurting him, that he could take a little roughness, enjoyed it even.
Still, his rational mind could never quite keep from feeling guilty the morning after.
Their dynamic was a complex one, one that he couldn't imagine working without complete trust and devotion –but he knew that outsiders would have a hard time understanding it.´
xxxx
Hotch sighs heavily, his eyes focusing on Reid dozing on one of the hospital chairs next to his bed, his head resting next to his boss leg. He smiles ruefully, fingers carefully combing through his lover´s soft locks.
It´s just awful for Reid to have to go through all this, to be burdened with Morgan's demons on top of Hotch´s and his own. He knows he needs to do something, to shield him from that sorrow in the future, he will have to have a long chat with Morgan.
Hotch sighs again, annoyed this time. For that to happen though, he will have to get out of this hospital bed first. They´ve been stuck here for hours, the doctors unable to decide how serious his concussion is.
If it were up to him, Hotch would have long blown caution in the wind and gone home against their advice but of course it isn't up to him.
Reid has been very convincing when he insisted Hotch should at least stay overnight, abandoning persuasion at some point for the sake of his ultimate weapon, big puppy eyes that no one has ever been able to say no to.
As a result, Hotch is stuck in this stupid gown, left to stare at the bare hospital walls. Since Reid has dozed off he´s spent his time working on his argument for when talking to Morgan but just then his young lover awakens, yawing quietly and rubbing his eyes adorably.
Hotch can't help but smile at him, bad mood dissipating instantly.
"Wasn't sleeping." Reid mumbles, sitting up quickly.
He looks around to see it is already dark outside the window.
"Oh, no. So late already," he frowns and gets up, straightening his clothes, "I'm going to get some of your clothes and then come back alright? I won't be long."
He kisses Hotch goodbye carefully, mindful of his messed up face. Hotch doesn't want him to leave but doesn't want to sound ridiculous asking him to stay for no good reason. So he smiles as Reid waves from the door. "Hurry back."
"You had better still be in that bed when I come back.", he threatens, a smile tugging at his grave expression.
Reid walks across the empty hospital parking lot with long steps, hurrying towards his car.
He doesn't like to admit he´s still reasonably sacred of the dark, so he tells himself it´s only that he doesn't want to leave Hotch alone for too long.
He can already see the car when a hand on his shoulder causes him to almost jump out of his skin, heart missing a beat as he spins around. His hand automatically goes for his hip, the place his gun would be if he hadn't stupidly left it at the office this afternoon.
Relief is immediate when he looks into the potential UnSub´s face and realizes it´s a familiar one. Morgan is standing in front of him, holding up both hands reassuringly.
Relief quickly turns to annoyance and he frowns, crossing both arms in front of his chest.
"What are you doing here, Morgan?" he asks coolly, hoping that he looks more collected than he feels.
Morgan shrugs. He seems calm now but Reid can't really tell his expression with how little light there is.
"Can we talk?" Morgan asks quietly.
Reid would like to think he sounds sort of guilty but he isn't sure there either.
"What about?" he asks, still carefully withdrawn, keeping his arms crossed and his expression disapproving, "Do you have any more plans to ruin our team dynamics I should know about?"
He knows he´s not being fair, that he should be more sensitive towards Morgan's situation, but the image of Hotch on the ground, struggling for breath makes it hard for him to stay objective.
Morgan frowns at this behavior, and this time Reid is sure he sees regret somewhere in his eyes.
"Reid, man, I´m…" he looks away, conflicted, jaw clenching along with his hands before he takes another calming breath, "look, can we just talk, please?"
Reid almost wants to say no but then Morgan looks at him with an expression that is so desperate and conflicted he can't help but nod, conceding reluctantly. "Fine. Talk, I'm listening."
"Not here." Morgan jerks his head towards his waiting jeep, parked a couple of feet away.
Reid hesitates. He wants to have this talk with Morgan, especially since it might mean Hotch won't have to –but right now he really just wants to get back to his lover as quickly as possible.
Morgan turns around to look at him questioningly when he doesn't follow, face falling visibly. Unwelcome guilt threatens to overcome practicality.
"Actually, Morgan, I'm just on my way to get some clothes for Hotch…maybe we should-"
As expected, Morgan's face crunches up at the mention of Hotch´s name, his body tensing all over. Reid isn't sure if it is anger still or guilt over what he´s done yet.
Morgan bites his lip, staring at the concrete for a moment, then he straightens up again, face not quite as dark.
"´S not a problem. Come on, I´ll drive you and we can talk on the way." he offers.
Reid doesn't hesitate after that, sure now that Morgan is still struggling but has at least come to his senses regarding Hotch and appears like he is trying to make up for his behavior earlier. He starts feeling a little better, less stressed.
"Okay," he agrees and follows Morgan, in his mind already contemplating whether Morgan could come back to the hospital room later on and apologize to Hotch if their talk goes well.
They get in the car and Morgan drives off the parking lot, quiet for a moment as he watches the road, searching for the right way to start maybe.
Reid decides to give him a moment and settles in, feeling a little better about this turn of events. Maybe it really isn't as bad as he thought and tomorrow all will be forgotten.
He goes through his pockets, reaching for his phone while Morgan drives them through the night, to text Hotch about this positive development.
"Who´re you writing?" Morgan asks from the driver´s side, eyes still on the street.
He seems a little tense again but Reid decides he will have to learn to fully accept Hotch as Reid´s lover in all situation so he can help accustom him to it right away.
"Hotch," he answers casually, "Just to tell him I found you. Everyone's been really worried…"
"Oh, ok," Morgan nods: "I should've called Garcia, too. Do you mind?"
He holds out a hand for his phone questioningly and Reid interrupts what he's doing and hands it to him, hating to make Garcia worry unnecessarily. "Sure."
Morgan takes the phone from him, then calmly rolls down the window on his side and throws it away without a word.
Reid gapes at the open window, three long seconds passing before he can believe his eyes.
"Morgan, what-" he gasps, incredulously, trying to make sense of what just happened. Morgan doesn't answer, just keeps driving like nothing happened at all.
"Morgan!" Reid snaps, perplexity turning into irritation, worry slowly surfacing. "What the hell? Turn around, I need to get my phone."
"No, you don't."
The way Morgan seems completely calm and decided in regards to what he´s just done chills Reid to the bone. Suddenly Morgan doesn't seem better at all. His heart starts beating faster, worry threatening to override his anger.
"What do you mean? Of course I…stop the car, I want to get out."
Reid grips the door handle, fumbling with his seatbelt. He suddenly has an ill feeling about this. Whatever is happening, it isn't good. "Morgan, stop the car!"
His heart falls, breath catching in his throat when instead of answering Morgan simply activates the automatic car lock, the clicking sound terribly final in his ears.
Uh oh, someone´s in trouble ;-)
BTW I know there are some inconsistencies with the canon timeline, that is entirely my fault, please try to overlook it.
Please review!
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no subject
on 22 June 2011 02:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on 22 June 2011 05:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on 24 June 2011 01:50 am (UTC)I wonder just how far Morgan will go with Reid to prove his point. Something tells me that Reid is first going to be in trouble, then Morgan will be.
A part of me also thinks that no matter what Morgan will do to Reid, his younger friend won't report him in the end (as long as he leaves Hotch alone).
Morgan will certainly have to face Hotch's anger though...
I can't wait to read the rest of your story.
(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on 24 June 2011 11:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by