since you left

27 July 2017 11:47 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
[personal profile] szarabasjka
 its been so long.
I don't like the sun the way I used to, i don't feel the same giddy feeling under it.
i don't like your hands anymore, because you're not holding mine, stupid too big too scratchy hands that I miss
i don't like the sound of laughter because like it did years ago it soudns like they're making fun of me.
I don't like the empty space next to me; you were supposed to be here.
I don't like bread because it desn't taste like bets and laughter anymore, I miss the giggling idiot with a smile on his face and mirth in his eyes while i can't stop myself from laughing.
I miss you and I don't like it, I shouldn't have to miss you like this.
I don't like gold, it was your color and every coin looks faded, I don't like the stupid green briefs I still see every time I see into that box, or the picture with the sweaty you, if you were here I won't ever complain of you smelling bad. you greasy big bird, I miss you. the string is there to remind me of you, but it hurts more now than it ever did.

if you were here, I'd have someone to cry with because i can't stop myself when i think of you and I couldn't stop myself when I saw your tears, and you never could stop yourself when i was crying... what a sad picture we made, couple saps being dumb; being dumb alone is not the same, with nobody to clean my tears and then the snot of his own face.
I don't like the sun, the bread, the green briefs because my heart is broken, I don't like missing you and crying without you here  because my heart will never be whole again.

and nobody cares.

photobucket

22 July 2017 12:00 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
[personal profile] szarabasjka
 photobucket sucks monkey ass...
now I need to move files from as far back as 2004 into some other site; postimage aparently.
any other recomendation?

in other news, with Chester's death I forgot what else was yesterday. it was my sweetest A birthday and he'll be having a fit if he were still here.
I miss hsi serious face, I miss his hands, the scratchy beard and the bluest eyes, I miss the duck smile and the scar there where I have mine too.
I miss you ass where are you?
happy birthday to the guy who will never have another birthday.

Farewell Chester Bennington

21 July 2017 12:34 am
szarabasjka: (Default)
[personal profile] szarabasjka
Depression is not easy; depression is a monster you don't want to fight.
because you don't fight a thing in front of you that you can run away from; you fight yourself and nobody knows you better; nobody else knows how to hurt you worst.

losing someone close to you; not having the one who was your north is awful, the need to join them is so strong, add adictions and I bet you'll be ready for a coffin.
why you? why you who were the voice of my teen years? why you the one concert I enjoyed the most,.
Why you couldn't fight one more day, one more night...  one more battle.?

its over now,  and I kinda envy you, because as someone once stated, when you die it's over for you, but is never over for those who stay here; without you.

hope you found peace in the end; and hope you don't remember the pain, (I know there was some pain) 
wherever you go, wish you calm peace and rest.
Good Bye the voice of my pain, the sound of my tears, good bye Chester Bennington.



 
 
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more than any time before
I have no options left again
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose
'cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused

(no subject)

17 July 2017 11:29 pm
szarabasjka: (Default)
[personal profile] szarabasjka
 my life right now is a hectic mess, I'm almost falling asleep and is notg even midnight; I'm going to bed early ffs...

so yeah I'm alive and fine, don't worry, just busy.
love you all sorry I missed birthdays and a couple dates.

Profile

I knew you'd understand

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated 28 July 2017 04:28 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios